I hate holidays now. I used to love them as a kid but now all i see is another reminder that i don’t get to spend it with my grandpa. Instead i get to sit across the table from his wife that tells me every time i see her, how much she hated him and never loved him. And sitting next to her is her boyfriend. The guy she was cheating on my grandfather with. And i have so much guilt. I should’ve came over more often maybe he wouldn’t have done what he did. But he left me here alone with her and i wish there was a heaven but i don’t believe in a God or heaven or hell. But that woman is a horrible woman… She’s always been like that. So in a couple hours it’s time to put on a happy face again like always and pretend what she says doesn’t hurt me even though i wish it was him sitting across the table from me and not her…
Do not try to be pretty. You weren’t meant to be pretty; you were meant to burn down the earth and graffiti the sky. Don’t let anyone ever simplify you to just “pretty.”
You know whats fucking scary? The fact that I could literally change my life at any moment. I could stop talking to everyone that makes me unhappy. I could kiss whoever i want. I could shave my head or get on a plane or take my own life. Nothing is stopping me. The entire world is in my hands, and I have no idea what to do with it.